A man in the swmaps of Louisana has been found wearing a paper bag with a smiley face scribbled onto it in marker on his head. He has also been seen sharing food with birds, which are despicable creatures. Witnesses have heard the man, who is still not identified as he refuses to remove the bag, singing Take On Me at volumes that human beings are not currently capable of.
Several government agencies have been tracking the man, who possesses strength and speed beyond mortal limits. We don't know what he wants, I urge all civilians in the greater Louisana area to avoid leaving their homes and looking directly at the sky.
Said the President in an emergency press conference this morning.
Our news network sent out Jimmy Fullbuster to the scene, and he returned with an exclusive interview of the man. An excerpt of their conversation follows.
Fullbuster: Who are you?
The bag man: No one, everyone all at once, none of it matters. They sent you here to die, how cruel. I will spare you for now.
Well, fortunately Jimmy returned to us safely, and we avoided a lawsuit. We will update you all as the situation progresses.